jonathanmoeller (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} jonathanmoeller) wrote,@ 2007-11-22 12:25:00 |
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holiday road safety guide: an anecdote
Driving yesterday, on I-90, just one car in the holiday horde. The freeway is full. It’s snowing. One semi is attempting to pass another one a few hundred yards ahead, with the predictable traffic slowdown .
I look ahead and see something by the road.
My first thought:
That is a butt-ugly dog.
Second thought:
Wait, I’m literally in the middle of nowhere, miles from civilization. Why is a dog standing by the freeway?
Third thought:
Wait, that’s not a dog, that’s an enormous freaking deer.
Final thought:
Oh CRAAAAAAAP!
This entire chain of thought took about half a second, after which the deer ran at full speed onto the freeway.
It didn’t hit me. It did, however, hit the SUV directly in front of me. Fortunately, it wasn’t a full-on direct hit; he hit the deer in the head with his right headlight, which was still more than enough force to send the deer’s carcass spinning away down the rumble strip. It also basically aerosolized the deer’s head. So for a moment, a halo of vaporized blood and brains surrounded the SUV, illumed from within by the headlights, and then steaming deer McNuggets started raining down on my windshield.
An hour later, scrubbing deer brains off my windshield at the gas station, I reflect; what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving? Well, for starters, I’m enormously thankful I didn’t get broadsided by a giant freaking deer.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and may your holiday be free from giant freaking deer. Unless you’re eating one.
-JM
Driving yesterday, on I-90, just one car in the holiday horde. The freeway is full. It’s snowing. One semi is attempting to pass another one a few hundred yards ahead, with the predictable traffic slowdown .
I look ahead and see something by the road.
My first thought:
That is a butt-ugly dog.
Second thought:
Wait, I’m literally in the middle of nowhere, miles from civilization. Why is a dog standing by the freeway?
Third thought:
Wait, that’s not a dog, that’s an enormous freaking deer.
Final thought:
Oh CRAAAAAAAP!
This entire chain of thought took about half a second, after which the deer ran at full speed onto the freeway.
It didn’t hit me. It did, however, hit the SUV directly in front of me. Fortunately, it wasn’t a full-on direct hit; he hit the deer in the head with his right headlight, which was still more than enough force to send the deer’s carcass spinning away down the rumble strip. It also basically aerosolized the deer’s head. So for a moment, a halo of vaporized blood and brains surrounded the SUV, illumed from within by the headlights, and then steaming deer McNuggets started raining down on my windshield.
An hour later, scrubbing deer brains off my windshield at the gas station, I reflect; what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving? Well, for starters, I’m enormously thankful I didn’t get broadsided by a giant freaking deer.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and may your holiday be free from giant freaking deer. Unless you’re eating one.
-JM
